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Author: MaybeLater Subject: Need some advice and need to rant.

Posts: 1
Registered: 04-25-2011

posted on 04-25-2011 at 21:14 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Need some advice and need to rant.

Ok, so there is a semi long story that comes along with my question(s) so please stay with me. First off some background, I'm a 23 year old male virgin, I make no effort to hide this fact or attempt to justify it in any way. I consider myself a romantic at heart who also tries to walk his own path. I have also firmly believed that it would be best, for me, to wait to have sex until it was with someone I cared about. I was on a trip with a group of friends not long ago and, after a few drinks some of us start to wonder the city. One of my friends (for some clarity she started off as my friends fiance before I considered her a friend) walks over to me and says she wants to talk to me.

This was not so unusual, she gives me advice a lot, we all do. I think we're all fairly close. She goes on to say that she and some other friends of ours were talking about me back at the hotel. Ok, I recognized this as a lead in to something uncomfortable. She tells me that everyone in the group thinks I should go out and have sex before I try to have a relationship. Their reasoning? Well they believe that I am putting a certain part of the female body on a pedestal and I am setting myself up for disappointment. She, and a few others that were with us at the time also questioned why I want a relationship "so badly". She tells me I'm attractive so it wouldn't be hard if I just got over being shy.

Well, I honestly didn't know what to say. Its not like I have not had any chances over the years. But most of them would have been with women who had feelings for me, but I didn't for them. That just never seemed fair to them, to use them as a tool so people would think I'm normal. Anyway, I tell her that I just care more about being in a relationship than I do about sex (as I have in the past). I even went as far as saying If I could cut sex out of the relationship I would (not really true of course, I am human). She tells me I may have an easier time getting into a relationship if I do this and I may appreciate it more. Other things were said, but like I sad we had been drinking for some time and this is what I remember best.

I do care about sex, I just care about finding someone more. I tried to brush it off, but it was in my head for the entire trip. Should I just go ahead and have sex with some random girl? Its not like any of my female friends on the trip who felt like discussing this "better option" volunteered – or offered to set me up with anyone they know. Should I lead a girl on just to see if they're right? Now I know many will say I should stick with my principles but...I mean...the thing is I'm not sure any more. They would know better right? They've been there. Whenever I'm sure of something it doesn't stay in my head this long, doesn't make me feel as uneasy. Its not like they were trying to hurt my feelings or rag on me, they were trying to give their advice. Any thoughts or opinions? Maybe Im thinking about this too much.
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